I should have kissed you longer.
Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.
You’re jealous of that pitiful, twenty-year-old boy mistaken for someone else and pointlessly murdered-what is it, thirty years ago? So insanely jealous it hurts. This is the first time you’ve ever been jealous in your life. Now you finally understand what it feels like. It’s like a brush fire torching your heart.
You’ve never ever in your life envied anybody else, or ever wanted to be someone else-but right now you do. You want more than anything to be that boy. Even knowing that at age twenty he was going to be smashed over the head with an iron pipe and beaten to death, you’d still trade places with him. You’d do it, to be able to love Miss Saeki for those five years. And to have her love you with all her heart. To hold her as much as you want, to make love to her over and over. To let your fingers run over every single part of her body, and let her do the same to you. And after you die, your love will become a story etched forever in her heart. Every single night she’ll love you in her memory.
Kafka on the Shore